Self Sabotage: Causes - Fear of Loss

Some of us sabotage our efforts to succeed because we fear what we will lose; our friends, our family, our marriages, etc. If we succeed, jealousy or resentment may develop in some of our relationships. People who self sabotage themselves tend to surround themselves with others who sabotage themselves. If we are self sabotagers, it’s highly likely those around us are too. We may be drawn to people who need a “failure” around to make themselves feel superior. People who wish to look down on us may take off if we decide to pull ourselves up.

Success may mean that close friends will back away, or leave completely. Success might cause us to move in directions that lead away from old habits and pursuits and even old friends. We might develop interests that our old friends don’t share. If our old friends are heavily invested in self sabotaging behaviors themselves, we might even have to cultivate new friends. And that can be scary.

Success may mean that our family will disown us or that our role in our family would change. If a brother or sister has always been “the successful one” and we are the “screw up”, how would our lives change if we took on the successful role? Would we be expected to act like our sibling? And what would happen to the family dynamics? Would our family tolerate our becoming successful, or do they need to have a “screw up” in the family for some reason?

Success may cost us our marriage. Our spouses may be unable to handle our success and may leave. Or they may not want to move in the direction in which we are moving. Our partners may also be heavily invested in their own self sabotaging and may not want to look at what is holding them back.