Procrastination: Why We Do It - Perfectionism

We establish criteria in our mind for successful completion of a task that are so overwhelming no human could ever obtain them. I remember my mother getting ready to decorate the house for Christmas. But first the house had to be cleaned so intensely that by the time we were supposed to decorate everyone was too exhausted to care! When you look at completing a task and it seems to loom so large that you can’t even contemplate starting it, check again to see if you are being too perfectionistic. Then lower your standards to something more human – and humane.

Perfectionists not only avoid starting tasks, they may also avoid completing tasks. I had a friend who started many paintings, but never finished any of them. This way, if anyone ever criticized it she could always claim she was not finished with it yet. Never completing the task guarantees failure, but allows the perfectionist to maintain their belief that it will be perfect when complete. It also allows them to avoid criticism.

Perfectionists tend to view things in black and white. It is either completely perfect or a total failure. This makes it impossible to perform a typical, average, human task. There is no such thing as average. And if the task is not completed perfectly, then it must be a failure.

Perfectionists also tend to go overboard. If they are writing a paper they believe they must read everything ever written about the topic before they can even think about writing a single word. This same tendency to go overboard also applies to setting goals. Perfectionists tend to set unrealistic goals. They may decide they should be able to write a complete 10 page paper over a single weekend. Unable to rise to these unreasonable goals ensures feelings of failure and incompetence and makes the perfectionist more reluctant to engage in the next task.

Perfectionists have an added tendency to be hypercritical. They avoid seeing what they have accomplished but point out ad nauseum every single thing that is not perfect about the way the task was completed. This negative internal dialogue further exacerbates any desire to complete a task. Why complete anything if you are just going to beat yourself up for it afterward? Who in their right mind would want to show up for that?

How do you become less of a perfectionist? Make your goal progress, not perfection. I used to set very unreasonable goals for myself and only look at how far I was from them. This caused me to feel incompetent and insecure. Now, instead of asking “Have I reached my goal yet?” I ask, “Am I Better?” This has been very liberating and much more accurate in accessing my progress. When I first started going to the gym, I compared myself with other members who had obviously been working out for some time. (Notice I did not compare myself with people who just started. A perfectionist always compares themselves with perfection, not the norm.) I would beat myself up for not being able to work out at the level which long-time members had mastered. Then I changed my question to “Am I Better?” Since I had been an avid couch potato the month before, asking this question put it into proper context. Though I could only do 5 minutes on the cardio machine, last month I had done nothing. This was MUCH better! Assessing your progress this ways compares you to you and considers where you have come from. That is the only way to be fair and it changes the perspective completely. And by changing the perspective you change how you feel about yourself and your accomplishments.

If you’re a perfectionist, it’s also important to examine the goals you set. Are you trying to attain the body of a 20 year old at the gym when you are 46? That’s not really fair is it? As a recovering perfectionist I also found that I would set goals for completing tasks that were superhuman. I would decide to lay the tile for the kitchen in a single day. Naturally, I started, but quickly tired out. Then I left the half-tiled floor for six months. I finally figured out that I should break it into smaller bits that I could face doing. By breaking it up into smaller tasks, I was able to face it, knowing that I could successfully complete the task I had set for myself and the tile laying got done. I also changed “Finish it” to “Start it” in my mind. When I tried to face the task of finishing the entire floor it was too overwhelming. But I could easily face starting it. This also allowed me to stop before I became too uncomfortable instead of forcing myself to physically fall down before stopping in my attempts to “Finish it”. By allowing myself to stop before becoming dead tired, my memory of the task was not so unpleasant and it was easier to face starting again the next time.